Sam Winchester (bonnietoclyde) wrote in blindingheights,
Sam Winchester

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Some might say that I'm the fallen one

Things were happening a little faster than I could keep up with. One minute I was standing in Dean's hospital room after his miraculous recovery and then Dad was asking me not to fight with him. It's not like I wanted to fight with him after everything that happened either but it wasn't like Dad to all of a sudden call me off and ask me for a cup of coffee. Every single step of that trip still echoed in my head as I stood in the darkness, with the flames from the body flickering and casting shadows on Dean's face. Every single step echoed in my head, just before the cup of coffee went crashing to the floor. Because something had happened to Dad, I could see him through the open door.

I guess I must have been screaming because suddenly I was surrounded by doctors and nurses and my brother was at my side but it was too late. There wasn't anything I could do, that either one of us could do for him now. It was too late and it didn't make any sense at all. I knew he summoned that demon but I wasn't any closer to figuring out why my father was dead and why the colt was suddenly missing.

Once the news had finally settled in Dean and I stayed in the hallways of the hospital for a little while. Dean had no memory of what had happened before while he was in that coma but Buffy recognized me at least. I wasn't really at my friendliest but I gave her one last look before her friend dragged her down the hallway. At least it looked like Faith had pulled through too, maybe as bizarre as Dean's sudden recovery. It was almost like he'd never been hurt at all and Dad who'd been fine a few hours ago was dead now. None of it made any sense, he'd acted almost like he knew it was coming and I didn't know what to think about it. I didn't want to have to think about sacrificing my dad for my brother, but that was exactly what Dad wanted me to think.

After the shock had started to wear off and they eventually let us collect Dad's remains we took him out and down by a bridge before setting him up and letting him burn. I hated the idea of burning him but it was the only way to guarantee that he'd finally be able to rest. As much as I missed him, I knew he'd hate us if we let him come back as anything other than what he was. The smell of the smoke should have made me sick but I couldn't feel anything at all, as I stared at his burning body.

My entire life I fought so hard against him, tried to be anything except what he wanted me to be. I never even introduced him to Jessica or asked him to come to my graduation. My life was completely seperate from the ones that Dad and Dean had made for themselves. The only thing I ever wanted to do was forget about the thing that killed my mother when I was a baby until it came back later for Jessica. After that, I had to find it. Sometimes I wonder if I wanted to escape so badly because I didn't have to see Mom like that. Now that I'd seen it for myself I wanted to find the demon just as badly as they did.

And now that Dad was dead the only thing that the demon hadn't taken from me was Dean. The demon was the only thing connecting me to all three of them, Mom, Dad and Jessica. Now I had to find it.

"Did he say anything to you?" I finally asked Dean in a strangled voice, my eyes still locked onto the burning body in front of us. "Before he.....did he say anything?"
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